Why the fuss?

I see there is talk of a Royal Commission on whether they should legalise canninebiks.

Legal, shmegal, ( bit of a "Lord of The Rings" reference there, arf arf.)  give me more! Biskwits rule!

The old jokes are the best

How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?

Feel free to add your own!

Jack Russell ( as I say, not technically a dog, but still.......) :  "I can reach it!  I just KNOW I can reach it!  Another twenty jumps, and it's mine, ALL MINE!"

Golden Retriever:  "The sun is shining, the day is young. We've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb?"

Border Collie:  "Just one, and I'll replace any wiring that's not up to
scratch."

Toy Poodle:  "I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry."

German Shepherd:  "I'll guard the light bulb while you decide.  Back off!"

Dachshund:  "I can't reach the stupid light!"

Rottweiler:  "Go ahead.  Make me!"

Shi-tzu:  "Puh-leeze, dah-ling, leave it for the servants."

Bichon:  "Ask me again after I finish getting my hair done."

Pug/Bulldog/Boxer: "I can hardly breathe, let alone change a light bulb!"

Labrador:  "Oh, me, ME!  Pleeeeeeze let ME change the bulb!  Can I? Can I?  Huh?  Please! Huh? Can I?"

Malamute:  "Let the Border Collie do it.  You can feed me while he's busy."

Chow Chow:  "I'm with the Malamute.  After I take my nap, that is!"

Akita:  "I'm with the Chow and Malamute!  What's for dinner?"

Husky: "I don't care - I'm used to the dark"

Cocker Spaniel:  "Why change it?  I can still pee on the carpet in the dark."

Springer Spaniel: "Did you have to throw it in the water? Never mind, I'll get it"

Mastiff:  "Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the dark."

Great Dane:  "Z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z."

Chihuahua:  "Yo quiero Taco Bulb." (whatever that means!)

Greyhound/Lurcher/Whippet:  "It isn't moving, so who cares?"

Labradoodles/Cockerpoos/Chirussells/Jackpugs etc. " We were trained at Frankenstein's - so this should be a doddle"

A slight hiccup!

Sorry for the break in transmission. Personally I always know where ALL my important stuff is - toys, scoff, old bones, ancient biskwits but ask the master to take care of one, simple thing - like my email address and blog password, and what does he do? Yup!

Anyway, back on line now and I've made a new friend - Maisy from Brecon. Yo! Maisy!  I thought of forming a new all-girl band with Maisy and Mitzi - we could call it "DOGS ALLOWED" arf, arf!

Maisy has needed bed-rest for a suspected luxating patella (slippy knee-cap). I had one of those years ago but it went away and I've been more-or-less hop-free ever since. I think it's a Russell thing. Well my friends, there's a price to pay for beauty, brains, animal magnetism and enormous charm, as well as being far and away the best dogs in the world Woof!

Woofing guide

My people recently received some charming drawings  delivered by 'the secret postman'.  I gave this interloper a jolly good talking to, natch, but fear it might actually have been someone I know! (HINT: they live close by). I thought some guidelines might be useful, so on a noise scale of 1 to 10, this is how it works:-

FRONT DOOR: Postman  - 10 Free newspaper - 10 Pizza/Indian/Chinese restaurant leaflet drop - 10
Secret Postman - 10  Anyone I don't recognise - 10

BACK DOOR: Church caretaker - 10 Percy the Church Gardener with the noisy mower - 10 Anyone I don't recognise - 10 Foxes - don't get me started but say 11

IN THE GARDEN: Wood-pigeons - 10 Other birds - 10

ACROSS THE BACK WALL: Chickens - 10 Mark and Lizzie - 10 Emily-10 Martha - 10 Emily's friends -10 Martha's friends - 10 Grandparents - 10

VISITORS IN THE HOUSE

After a few mutters and grumbles on welcoming you in,  my people usually settle down. Arf! arf! Seriously, it's either 'Hi, how are you - can I lick you - are you/will you be my friend?' or else I'm banged up in the back room double-sharpish and no tea! 

OTHER DOGS IN THE HOUSE

You must be joking!!!

IN THE STREET

I love you all and am extremely well-behaved and quiet, unless you happen to be wearing FLOUNCY clothes and/or are dressed in red and/or are riding a skate-board.

Lx

Sport

I don't care much for football unless I'm chasing them in the park but I was drawn to the TV the other night for the Chelsea v Barcalona match. There was a Barca player by the name of BISKWIT - at least, I think that's how you spell it.  Yummy name eh?

My birthday today!

04-04-04...... arf-arf-arf.... geddit?? And what a birthday to remember. Firstly a visit to the vet for annual jabs in the neck against every disease known to dog and then for good measure - get this - some noxious substance is squirted up my most sensitive parts  -something to do with kennel cough.(They say that some humans do this voluntarily before they go clubbing - well, jolly good luck say I.) Then off to the pet shop for birthday treats. I helped myself to quite a bit of pick 'n' nick before I was restrained. Ended up with a shank bone and other good scoff plus a soft toy which it took me all of five minutes to demolish. Did acquire a nifty KONG thingy though. My people put biskwits in and defy me to retrieve them. I play along of course but after my early work on Fermat it's a bity of a pushover really. Happy Easter!

Aaah - Bless!

A freezing dark night in London, a raging blizzard, a lost dog. Who ya gonna call? Yes, it's Sam Baws to the rescue! You should see it's little face, and little white socks too (the rescued dog - not Sam, silly!) Now I'm sort of impartial about Staffies - I can take 'em or eat 'em (although there is a rather handsome chap called Brian down the road who I do fancy a bit). My Sam called the dog warden who  confirmed that said Staff would either be re-united with it's people or found new quarters. I think Sam's a hero and I will absolutely lick his face off next time he's down to visit.

Fame at last! (possibly)

My wonderful master (must be good for a treat, that) is doing a telephonic radio interview this Saturday 14th at 7.15 am. I of course shall be up as usual, barking like a good 'un, which should get him up in time.

It's on talkSPORT - on radio AM 1053 or 1089 mtrs., via satellite or cable  TV, internet streaming and iPhone apps. (I don't know what that's all about - barking has always been good enough for me.) The WM is a bit concerned lest I woof too much and my dulcet tones come over the airwaves, so I might be banged up in the back-room. Shame I say!!

Happy New Year

Hope you all had a good Christmas. For myself, presents were OK - squeaky rubber chicken (still intact as we speak, but I'm working on it) plus some tuggy thing that my people had thoughtfully smeared with one of my biscuit treats to mask the smell of new plastic - as if! Bit of a disappointment on the food front though. Voices were raised concerning cooking times and fact that said bird had too much sage and rosemary twigage rammed up it's orifices. Upshot was, carcass was saved for distribution to the needy poor ( f**in' f*xes, pardon my French), and the actual good stuff binned. In the long run, even the carcass was dumped. As a result of this farce, I managed to be only  moderately whoopsie. Oh well, there's always next year.