Woofing guide

My people recently received some charming drawings  delivered by 'the secret postman'.  I gave this interloper a jolly good talking to, natch, but fear it might actually have been someone I know! (HINT: they live close by). I thought some guidelines might be useful, so on a noise scale of 1 to 10, this is how it works:-

FRONT DOOR: Postman  - 10 Free newspaper - 10 Pizza/Indian/Chinese restaurant leaflet drop - 10
Secret Postman - 10  Anyone I don't recognise - 10

BACK DOOR: Church caretaker - 10 Percy the Church Gardener with the noisy mower - 10 Anyone I don't recognise - 10 Foxes - don't get me started but say 11

IN THE GARDEN: Wood-pigeons - 10 Other birds - 10

ACROSS THE BACK WALL: Chickens - 10 Mark and Lizzie - 10 Emily-10 Martha - 10 Emily's friends -10 Martha's friends - 10 Grandparents - 10

VISITORS IN THE HOUSE

After a few mutters and grumbles on welcoming you in,  my people usually settle down. Arf! arf! Seriously, it's either 'Hi, how are you - can I lick you - are you/will you be my friend?' or else I'm banged up in the back room double-sharpish and no tea! 

OTHER DOGS IN THE HOUSE

You must be joking!!!

IN THE STREET

I love you all and am extremely well-behaved and quiet, unless you happen to be wearing FLOUNCY clothes and/or are dressed in red and/or are riding a skate-board.

Lx

Sport

I don't care much for football unless I'm chasing them in the park but I was drawn to the TV the other night for the Chelsea v Barcalona match. There was a Barca player by the name of BISKWIT - at least, I think that's how you spell it.  Yummy name eh?

My birthday today!

04-04-04...... arf-arf-arf.... geddit?? And what a birthday to remember. Firstly a visit to the vet for annual jabs in the neck against every disease known to dog and then for good measure - get this - some noxious substance is squirted up my most sensitive parts  -something to do with kennel cough.(They say that some humans do this voluntarily before they go clubbing - well, jolly good luck say I.) Then off to the pet shop for birthday treats. I helped myself to quite a bit of pick 'n' nick before I was restrained. Ended up with a shank bone and other good scoff plus a soft toy which it took me all of five minutes to demolish. Did acquire a nifty KONG thingy though. My people put biskwits in and defy me to retrieve them. I play along of course but after my early work on Fermat it's a bity of a pushover really. Happy Easter!